The unaware killer – Rida Noor

I was in a deep sleep when I heard my phone ringing۔ It was Sunday and I had planned to sleep till late but ……. uggghhhhhhh! These phone don’t let us, with my eyes shut I searched for my phone around myself,
“Hello!” I said in my sleepy voice, “hello Sania…….” someone was whimpering. I had a look at the screen, it was Maira my best friend, I sat up straight away?
“why are you crying? What happened…..?” I was concerned,
“Zara died Sania”, “Zara who?” I said dumbfounded, “Zara! our friend Sania ” she said this a bit louder, I was stunned ……… ! as she was alright until yesterday, we had a chat. She was our squad member the chirpy Zara, always laughing at everything. She was such a jolly person,
“Nooooo… No way.. What happened to her?” I was staggered,
“she attempted…. Sui… Suici.. suicide last night. Today uncle and aunty found her , d…. Dhh…. dead  in the room this morning” she was saying in between her sobs, my mind couldn’t process it. She never seemed upset, how can she do that to herself, Maira was saying something but my mind was not ready to focus on anything. I felt like puking, I ran to my washroom and I spewed, I washed my face and felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I came back and took my phone the call had cut. I dialed Maira’s number.
She said: She’s coming to pick me up and in 20 min we left for Zara’s house, on our way we both were shedding tears silently. We couldn’t dare to have a word, Zara’s house was hardly half an hour  from my place, but this time the distance felt like eternity, finally we reached, every step from the car to her eterance felt heavier and heavier.
She was my lovely friend…….. we always came to this place gwafing. We had the best memories here and today we are here to see her…… I can’t even say that to myself, my tears still crossing my waterline…… Walking through the lawn, stepping towards the lounge. I saw the sad faces, some were crying and some were gossiping, I heard a whisper
“she did this for some boy……. I’m sure!”, I wanted to break that aunty’s face but i saw Zara’s father in front of me, he was hugging his little brother and was crying like a toddler. Me and Maira both went up to him, he looked at us and  started crying even more, “uncle how did all this happen ?”
Maira asked with teary eyes and fainted voice, “I don’t know dear…..! yesterday she said she’s not feeling like eating. I and Sameena insisted but she didn’t come for dinner, then after dinner I again went to her and after so many requests she came out and barely ate a few morsels and went back, then late at night I went to her room with medicine but she didn’t open the door…… I also brought chocolates for her but she said no.. You know that she loved Chocolates.. I couldn’t get it… ” His voice was shaky, “I didn’t know that ……. ” breaking into tears  he couldn’t complete his sentence, Zara’s chachu held him and whispered in his ear “bhai sahab please don’t do this to yourself.
people are already gossiping about all this, we know our daughter was such a gem, but not everyone gets this”, Zara’s father was not concerned about other’s opinion, his loss was unrectifiable, he lost his only daughter, he had always loved her. I was still unable to get it why Zara took this step, I went inside the house, there were women crying, mourning . Then  I saw her mother with a straight face, she used to be a very emotional person but I guess this loss just took all her senses away, she was sitting expression less, she seemed like a statue ……. Many aunties came and hugged me and Maira, they all were crying they were the witness our mischives. all of them knew how strong our friendship was, then we went to sameena aunty, I called her but she didn’t respond,
“Tai Amma didn’t even had a single bite since morning.. She didn’t say a single word, Sania api she didn’t even shed a single tear”. Zara’s little cousin said in a fainted voice, I could bearly hear that. I couldn’t digest all this, I felt like my throat was dry for so long, I stood up and walked towards the kitchen. There was no one in the kitchen, I took a glass threw that water inside me, just after that I heard someone calling my name. I turned around , and a saw an unfamiliar face, a girl in a white dress…… with such a spotless face,
“you’re Zara’s friend Sania right?”, “Yes” I barely said and walked out, everyone was talking about the last exequise and the timings for the funeral, all this was too much for me to hold on to, she was my dearest friend, I sat and recited quran. May Allah pak forgive her..
In the noon when it was time to take her away, there were mourns everywhere, and then I heard the loudest cry, it was Zara’s mother, she was shouting. “No please don’t take her away, Ahmad please ask then not to take her… Please don’t let them” She was holding her husband’s collar. I went up to her and along with other ladies, forcefully dragged her back inside, we gave her sleeping pills so she could rest, they took Zara away, they took my lovely friend away, all our memories were playing like a film in my mind.
“Sania”, someone whispered from the back, I flinched and turned around, it was that same girl in the white dress “Yes”, I don’t know why but that girl was frightening me, she stepped a little forward and whispered in my ear “I know who murdered Zara”, her words gave shivers down my spine……
“But…. But she attempted suicide…..!” I could barely utter, “This is what everyone’s saying, and there is no rule that what’s everybody is saying is a truth always “, she said and walked away. I felt like I won’t be able to move again in life…
I could hear my heart beating to the extent that it will break the cage and come out, my breath was out of order, I could feel the perspiration.
No wait ……. I was sweating in November, I tried to take a step but felt the numbness in my legs, I again tried and went inside and looked up for that girl, I searched for her in the house but was unable to find her…… I asked everyone but no one had seen her, I couldn’t even tell anyone why I was searching for that girl…. and then I saw her standing in front of Zara’s room.
I walked towards her, held her hand and took her inside Zara’s room, I wanted to ask her, “I know you want to ask about Zara’s murderer”, I was shocked, “her best friend is her murderer…….! “, she said like if she was dead sure, I looked at her face and all my sadness turned into anger, I bursted out at her.
“Are you out of your mind? Do you have the slightest idea of what rubbish you’re saying? Me and Maira are her best friends, how can you even say that!” I said pressing my teeth in anger, I’m sure my eyes were red at that time but that girl was still expression less, like if what I was saying was a crap, before I could break her face I heard sobs behind me.
I turned around and suddenly that lighted up room turned into a dim light area, I could barely see in that dim light but there I saw a fat girl sitting near the edge of the bed on the floor, she was crying and was mumbling something I was unable to understand. I looked back at that girl in the white dress and she placed her finger onto her lips whispering shhhhh…
I walked towards the bed and… And she was, she was “Zara, Zara…” I kind of screamed, but Zara was not responding she was saying something I bent a bit, still in shock and could hear her saying
“No one loves me, why they always make fun of my weight …….. I’m over weight I know but that’s not funny, I’ve tried but I couldn’t lose much, just because I don’t say it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect me, I get hurt too “, someone knocked at the door “Zara beta have your medicine… You at so little , look I got Chocolates for you, I know you love them” it was Ahmad uncle …. Zara lifted her chin up, I could see those tears and swollen eyes, “I don’t want to eat papa, let me sleep ” Zara shouted at the top of her lungs. I tried to move but couldn’t, I felt if I was a statue. she wiped her face, “look at him, he’s always asking me to eat, but he has no idea how people treat me ……. because of my overweight, no one even remembers my name ……. I guess, they all call me fatty, bull, cow, comedian, joker, just because I don’t reply them and wave things with my laughter. Why don’t they get that this hurts me, everyone is so judgemental about the looks..
O God…. !if my parents will get to know, what will they think? , I’m a shame” she was crying and  talking to herself…. tringggggg…suddenly a message notification, Zara took her phone and opened the message. tears again started flowing down her cheeks, I bent looking at the screen and it was a message ‘oh God Zara why you do this? You know this type of dressing doesn’t suits you…… but you still try to look pretty and instead you pettyy., I can’t control my laugh fatso, these comments on your posts are hilarious, no matter what you do, you’ll always look funny
Zara was crying and in between her sobs she said “and this is whom I call my best friend” and when I glanced at the contact name, I felt like I won’t be able to beath again, it was……. It was me her phone was showing Sunday 2 am,
I texted her this but I swear I was just kidding I could barely mumble , “my family makes fun of me, just because I laugh at everything doesn’t mean I don’t feel it… everyone thinks I’m a joke…now they’ll take me seriously” her voice turned into anger .
I heard a thunder, but wait it was not thunder, Zara threw her phone at the mirror, she was looking like a senseless person, she was searching for something, and there she found I guess, she wiped her tears, “now people might start loving me, now I’ll get to sleep peacefully after so long… now nothing will affect me” she said with a weird smile  , my eyes widened in shock it was a knife, “no Zara no, please no Zara” I shouted but of no use she cut her wrist, blood rushed out of her body, that girl in the white dress came to me, she held me from my shoulders and shook me. “you’re the murderer Sania”, I started screaming in pain covering my face with my hands, I was unable to hold my body and fell, I heard people coming in the room and all the voices started to faint.
When I opened my eyes I saw Maira sitting  in front of me holding my hand, my parents were also there “Zara…Zara” I tried to shout but could barely mumble, “hold yourself Sania, Zara is no more with us “, “No Maira she was there…alive….i saw her… Just in front of my eyes she… She… ” I wanted to shout “shhhhh….. No Sania there was no one, I was the first one who went into the room after you, I was searching for you whn you mom and dad came and I heard you shouting,
I ran into the room and found you bent on your knees, your face covered with your hands” she said pressing my hand with concern, “but Maura I saw her there…. She was…. “, “the poor child is still in shock ” I heard someone, no one believed me and then I saw that girl again …… silently standing in front of window, and then she turned into light and disappeared. And then I understood, it was not a dream, that angel just showed me up that I was my friend’s murderer..
Tears again started crossing my waterline….

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